ASAP / United Printing Corp. ----Ed Dignam

An elderly man was wondering if his wife had a hearing problem. So one night, he stood behind her while she was washing dishes and he whispered softly to her, “Honey, can you hear me?” There was no response. He moved a little closer and said, “Honey, can you hear me?” Still, there was no response. Finally he moved right behind her and hollered, “Honey, can you hear me?” Startled and annoyed, she snapped back, “For the third time, yes!”


If you need something,.... I'm listening!

A poor man bought a used book and was flipping through the pages when he stumbled upon an intriguing hand-written note that told about the secret of a magical "touchstone." The touchstone was a small pebble that could turn any metal into pure gold. The story explained that the touchstone was lying amongst thousands of other pebbles that looked alike, but the real stone would feel warm, while other stones are cold.

With nothing to lose, the man packed up his belongings and camped out at the seas… Continue

An aging carpenter told his employer it was time to retire and spend more time with his wife and family. Sorry to see his good worker leave, the man's boss asked him to build just one more house as a personal favor. The carpenter agreed, but it was easy to see his heart wasn't in his work. He used inferior materials and shoddy workmanship. The boss came to inspect the house when it was complete, and handed the house key to the carpenter. "This is your house now," he said, "my retirement gift to… Continue

A rich investment banker was visiting a small coastal Mexican village when a tiny boat with a fisherman docked. The banker complimented him on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. "Only a little while," he replied. The banker asked, "Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more fish?" The fisherman replied, "I have more than enough to support my family's needs." The banker then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

The fisherman said, "I sleep lat… Continue

A father and his son were walking through the mountains. Suddenly, the son falls, hurts himself and screams, “Aaahhhh!” To his surprise, he hears a voice repeating somewhere in the mountain, ““Aaahhhh!” Curious, he yells, “Who are you?” He hears “Who are you?” Angered at the response, he screams, “Coward!” and hears the response, “Coward!” He asks his father, “What’s going on?” The father chuckles and says, “My son, pay attention” and yells, “You are a champion!” The voice answers “You are a cha… Continue